Do werewolves like chocolate?
by moonservant
Summary: Sirius, Peter, and James ponder why it is Remus leaves every month. Naturally, craziness occurs. One shot.


A/N: So I am in a marauder-era mood and started thinking about how James, Sirius, and Peter figured out that Remus was a werewolf. This is what I came up with. It's a bit silly, but I hope you can appreciate it.

Disclaimer- I do not own these characters.

"Hey James, where's Remy?" Sirius asked as he burst into the second-year boys' dormitories. James casually looked up from his potions essay at his friend.

"He had to go home again. I think his rabbit is sick again," he informed him.

"He has to go home a lot," Peter piped up just to the left of James.

"Yeah, darn rabbit, I say he should just let it die, far too much trouble for a rodent. After all, every time Remus comes back he has a few new scars," Sirius remarked. James nodded dully. "Well, you're the talkative one aren't you," Sirius goaded him.

"You missed him complaining about how he actually has to work and how Remus's rabbit picked a foul time to fall ill, because he can't copy off of him now," Peter informed him.

"Damn, that's right. Stupid bunny, stealing our studious friend from us, making us work," Sirius grumbled as he pulled out his Defense book. For a moment, the dormitory was silent as the three friends studied.

"Gosh, I can't take this anymore!" Peter sighed, tossing his quill down. "Perhaps we can just steal his notes in the morning at breakfast."

"Peter, that is perhaps the most brilliant thing I have ever heard you say!" James exclaimed, slamming his book shut, and stuffing it into his bag.

"I thought you said you were going to be more studious this year to impress Evans," Sirius teased his friend. James glared at him and threw a pillow at his head.

"You should know that means being more so in front of the amazing Lily Evans," he retorted. The three laughed knowing the day James actually willingly did his homework would be the day Snape washed his hair. "Still, I don't know if Remy will be up to us copying his homework. He's always crabby when he gets back."

"Yeah, like last month he snapped at me for breathing too loudly," Peter agreed with him.

"Oh yeah, I remember that. Or the time when he threw that book at me for tripping Snivellus!" James added.

"Is it just me or does Remy tend to be cranky a lot. Isn't he suppose to the good kid or something?" Sirius asked.

"Well by the sound of it he does have a creaky family life. Like every month his mom is ill, his rabbit is dying, or something of the sort is going on," James added.

"I think it actually is every month," Peter told him.

"Yeah I think you're right Pete. And every month he gets sick for about a week," Sirius noticed.

"Yeah, he does seem to have a poor immune system. I do wonder how someone has allergies in the middle of winter," James agreed.

"Tell me Mr. Potter, is it just my crazy genes, or does there seem to be something missing from the elaborate picture of Mr. Lupin?" Sirius asked in an uncharacteristically serious voice.

"What?" Peter asked at the odd phrasing of the question.

"He means there is something suspicious going on here," James translated. "I find myself agreeing with you, Mr. Black. There is something quite off about this whole situation."

"Well, then, I do believe you, Mr. Pettigrew, and I should investigate this matter further to aid Mr. Lupin in his trouble or conquest, or else turn him in for the skiving criminal he is!" Sirius yelled, jumping to his feet, a finger pointed accusingly at Remus's empty bed.

"Yes, I'm sure that Remus is off right now committing some heinous crime. Oh come on Sirius, the kid feels guilty over the slightest offense of the school rules," James corrected him, realizing that Sirius was about to get far too worked up over this. "However, I do think you're right and there is something suspicious about this whole thing."

"So how do we find anything out?" Peter asked, starting to get excited about the investigation.

"Well, we could look for a pattern in his absences and common factors in all of them," James suggested.

"Or we could dig through his trunk to see what he might be hiding!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Or we could _not_ invade our friend's privacy and do things in an organized manner," James countered. Sirius's attitude deflated and he gave James a pair of pleading puppy eyes. James rolled his own back at the abnormally handsome boy and sighed in defeat.

"Maybe in a bit we can. Can we at least try and find some justification for a search?" James reasoned. Sirius perked up a bit and turned to Peter.

"Pete, you get the honor of writing everything down!" he announced.

"Why me?" Peter asked, caught off guard.

"Because, you have the nicest handwriting here," Sirius pointed out. Peter gave a small 'oh' and pulled out a quill and parchment.

"Alright then, what should we ponder first?" Sirius asked as he began pacing the room and stroking an imaginary beard.

"Uh, how about the days he's gone, look at the dates or something?" Peter suggested weakly.

"Excellent idea Pete!" James told him. "Alright, so today is November 20. Last month he was gone on… sometime around Halloween," James pondered.

"The 22nd!" Sirius remembered excitedly. "We had to scramble to finish Binns's essay about what-his-face and the goblins!"

"Right, I remember that. Hey, why don't we make this easier and just look at what homework we remember doing?" James suggested. Peter grabbed his planner, and started listing off assignments that James and Sirius would comment on. Eventually Peter had a list of the past seven months. After that, they could not remember what assignments they had done their first year.

"Alright, anyone notice a pattern?" James asked as he and Sirius crowded onto Peter's bed to look at the list of dates.

"Each one starts with a two," Sirius noted.

"Uh, I have a feeling that has nothing to do with it," James told him.

"There is about 29 days between them," Peter mentioned, doing a bit of figuring on the side.

"Wow Pete, you're on a roll today. Soon you're going to be competing with Remy for grades," Sirius joked in a round-about way of telling Peter that was a good idea.

"Okay, so any idea what might be going on?" James asked, having no ideas of his own.

"He… he is… he is part of a secret cult!" Sirius declared.

"Uh, Sirius," James said.

"Yes James?" the boy asked his dumbstruck friend.

"You are crazy," he replied.

"Thank you sir," Sirius said with a dramatic bow.

"Uh… I don't have anything," Peter replied.

"Okay, well we have the similarities we talked about earlier. He's always sick before hand, extremely irritable afterwards, and ends up injured. Pete, write that down," James instructed. The boys stared at this information, their minds whirling.

"Perhaps he has some long-term illness that requires him to go to St. Mungo's," Peter suggested.

"Maybe, but that doesn't explain why he gets so many cuts and bruises," Sirius countered. "What about a special project or something? He's nerdy enough to undertake some kind of huge research project."

"What would he be studying though?" James asked.

"I don't know. That's why we search his trunk!" Sirius pressed. James shrugged and signaled for Sirius to go ahead. The boy gave an excited squeal and ran to Remus's empty space. James joined him cautiously. While Sirius picked apart the trunk, he poked around his bedside stand. Mostly it was a bunch of schoolbooks, but he did find one interesting thing.

"Hey, look at this," James called the other two over.

"What is that?" Peter asked.

"Looks like a moon chart," Sirius noted.

"Yeah, but look at what he circled, every full moon. I think you might have been right with the research thing. Perhaps he's studying the moon or something," James suggested. Peter snatched the list and read off the dates.

"Uh, anyone else noticing that he's always gone on the full moon?" Sirius pointed out.

"Yeah that's weird," James remarked.

"What would he be studying that involved the full moon and bodily harm?" Peter asked.

"A type of vicious nocturnal plant?" James thought.

"No, he hates Herbology. Uh… know any good creatures that fit the description?" Sirius asked. The other two said no and they dispersed back to their own beds to ponder the matter. It was quiet with the only noise being the ruffling of their sheets as someone shifted positions. Beyond the room, the sound of chatter and laughter floated up from the common room. A prefect was telling off a student and someone must have had a game of Exploding Snap going from the soft bang and sounds of excited cheering. Sirius was listening to the sounds of his home when an imitation of a wolf howl sounded. That was when it hit him.

"James, Peter!" he yelled, sitting bolt up right.

"What?" the two questioned in unison.

"Remy is a werewolf!" he announced.

"That's silly," Peter denied it.

"No it's not!" Sirius yelled back defensively.

"Pete's right Sirius, it's a crazy idea," James shushed him.

"No, no, no, just listen to me. It makes sense. He is always gone on the full moon. I have a feeling he doesn't sleep much during the transformations so he is cranky in the morning, and we've all seen a sleep-deprived Remus and it ain't pretty. Plus, if he's running around in the Forbidden Forest with a pack of werewolves then there is bound to be a bit of fighting so that explains the injuries. Uh, he's always sick before the full moon right? Well, what if that has to do with the impending change or something? I don't know exactly, I'm not an expert or anything, but it fits!" Sirius explained. James thought it over and nodded.

"It does fit. I dunno though. It's just so unbelievable," James resisted.

"Yeah, it probably is crazy. Sorry I brought it up," Sirius apologized. However, as James thought about it more and more, the more Sirius's twisted idea made sense. When he first met Remus, he was so shy and scared. He was nervous around everyone and was pale all through astrology when they studied moon phases. A werewolf was unlikely to have a huge social life and probably did not like the moon. Still, quiet Remus Lupin, a dangerous killer; it just did not seem right. Of course, he probably did not ask to be that way the first place. Oh, and Sirius's dog whistle tended to give him a headache though it didn't bother him or Peter. That did support this theory quite nicely.

"Sirius."

"James?"

"I think you're right."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it would explain a lot."

"That it would. You thinking of the dog whistle too?"

"Yup."

"Remus Lupin, bookworm or werewolf?" Sirius laughed.

"You actually think he is?" Peter piped in nervously.

"Yeah, just think about it Pete. It makes sense," James answered. Peter gave a nervous squeak and curled up into a ball.

"You mean I've been sharing a room with a werewolf? He could have killed me!" he panicked. The blond boy began hyperventilating with the idea of how his friend could have killed him, but was stopped with a well-aimed pillow thrown at the side of his head.

"Come off it Peter! We can't actually prove he is, and even if we're right, Remus wouldn't hurt us. He's not a wolf all the time and clearly Dumbledore wouldn't have let him come if he was dangerous. Just with a…" Sirius trailed off.

"A furry little problem!" James assisted him.

"Hey yeah, I like that! I wonder if he was thinking that when he came up with the sick rabbit!" Sirius pondered.

"I guess so," Peter gave in, still not comfortable with the idea.

"Hey, James, I wonder, if the teachers know about this, could we get away with saying a werewolf ate our homework?" Sirius questioned.

"You know Sirius, I don't know. I doubt it," he admitted. Still it would have been a good idea. Or maybe werewolf Remus was still in love with school. The image of a large wolf reading a book popped into his mind, causing a chocked laugh to escape him.

"What's so funny?" Peter asked.

"Can you imagine Werewolf Remus reading a book?" James asked them.

"Good god man! I bet that right now Remus is refusing to join the pack because he has Transfiguration reading to do! I bet he's a bookworm even then!" Sirius agreed. This launched an extended conversation between the two, with awkward interjection from Peter, over what Remus was doing right now. Eventually they reached a point when their speculations were getting so out of hand that it simply had to end. It was highly doubtful Remus was leading a pack of werewolves into the Ministry of Magic to demand control of textbook production. Peter looked over at the clock on his nightstand.

"Hey guys, it's midnight. We should probably go to bed now," he decided, looking for a way to avoid anymore werewolf talk. The other two agreed and so they changed and crawled into bed. They lay their in silence, none of them really able to sleep with the revelations of the night fresh in their minds. There minds wandered to their missing friend, wondering what he was going through and experiencing. All trying hard to imagine that Remus was not attacking some poor innocent right now, but instead running wild and experiencing the wonders of the forest.

"Hey James," Sirius broke the silence.

"Yeah Sirius?" he responded quietly in case Peter was sleeping.

"I've decided, I don't think Wolf Remy would be a danger to us."

"And what makes you say that?"

"We're not made of chocolate." James and Sirius erupted in a storm of giggles at the idea of a chocolate addicted werewolf.

"You know Sirius, I think you're right."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Remus Lupin staggered up to his dormitory, hoping he was still early enough for his friends to still sleeping. It had taken Madam Pomfrey a bit longer to patch him up this time. Even now, his back was throbbing from a series of deep claw marks. He reached the room and softly closed the door, only to turn around and have his foot collide with a cauldron that ricocheted nicely off the stonewall. He mentally cursed every divine figure he had read about as the other three occupants stirred. The first to notice him was Peter, who let out a yelp and fell out of bed, cowering gently on the floor.

"Pete what are ya… oh, morning Remy!" Sirius greeted him as brightly as he could when half asleep.

"Remus is back? Hey we have to talk to you!" James slurred, fighting to put his glasses back on.

"Uh, yeah… about what?" he asked nervously.

"Are you a werewolf?" Peter squeaked.

"You know we weren't planning on being so forward about it," Sirius mumbled. Remus burst into a cold sweat. How did they find out? He was sure he had covered all his tracks and he had stayed in the shack all night so they couldn't have seen him. How they did they know? Should he deny it? Yeah, he would try that. He didn't want to lose his only friends.

"Of course not, that's crazy. What makes you say that?" he asked with as much confidence as he could muster.

"Well, you're always gone on the full moon," Peter answered.

"Every time you come back you have some new injury and you're cranky and tired," James added.

"And you can somehow here my dog-whistle," Sirius finished. Remus glared at the floorboards. Damn dog-whistle giving him away, he would destroy that thing someday. Why did Sirius have that anyway? It's not like he had a dog or anything!

"J-just c-coincidences," he stammered. "If you'll excuse me, I'm just going to change," he excused himself awkwardly. He limped slightly, having caught his foot in the trick step in his groggy state, and was standing a little too straight from his wounds. He hoped they wouldn't know.

He closed the curtains and gingerly peeled off his shirt, dismayed to see that the magically formed scabs had torn. He pulled out his wand and attempted to reach back to heal them himself, but unfortunately, his arm was longer as a werewolf and all he could do now was spin in futile circles in an attempt to reach them.

"Ow, ow, ow," he muttered as his tired muscles protested the strain.

"Remy, are you… okay?" Sirius finished quietly as he pulled back the curtain to reveal Remus's scarred upper body.

"Remus, either we're right or you should consider getting a new rabbit," he confronted him. The boy sighed in hopelessness and, dropping his wand arm in defeat, sat down on his bed, ignoring the continued bleeding.

"You guys are right," he mumbled into his hands. He couldn't look at them. What they must think of him, a werewolf, a dangerous monster, a freak. Despite himself, he felt tears fall from his eyes, which he immediately swiped at.

"Why didn't you tell us?" James asked softly, sitting down next to his distraught friend. He wrapped an arm loosely about the boy for comfort. Remus blinked away the remnants of tears, feeling just a bit more confident that they would not leave him.

"Well, I was scared that you would abandon me if you knew the truth. After all, who wants a werewolf for a friend?" he mumbled softly.

"What a load of Slytherin spit!" Sirius exclaimed in his own flamboyant manner. "Who wouldn't want to be friends with a genius troublemaker such as you who can also be used as an excuse to get out of homework?"

"I fear I don't catch your drift," Remus admitted, a tad confused.

"Sorry Professor Slughorn, but I don't have my homework because a werewolf ate it. You don't believe me? Well just as Remus here, he'll admit to it," James explained in a singsong voice. Remus laughed slightly, but quickly inhaled sharply as a white pain shot through his back. "Hey want me to get that for you?" James asked. Remus nodded and told him the incantation.

"So, nothing's going to change really Remy," Sirius assured his friend. James agreed immediately as did Peter, though quietly and a bit more reluctantly. Remus noted Peter's hesitation and gave the boy a genuine smile, hoping to show that he was okay with Peter being timid.

"Hey Remy, got a question for you," Sirius said suddenly.

"What's that Sirius?" he asked cautiously.

"Do werewolves like chocolate?"


End file.
